Oddballs and Royalty
Saturday, April 30, 2011 at 2:06AM The event has barely finished, and the royal wedding has already been discussed and analyzed ad nauseum, so much so that the justification for discussing it even more has to be good. This is what I seek to provide in this article: a catalogue of the current royal mania (a mini catalogue really, as a truly comprehensive catalogue would take up an entire Psychology textbook).
I want to start by saying that, contrary to the views of some my colleagues here at The Simpleton, I think the royal mania is generally a good thing, a distraction that is mostly harmless. Honestly, I would even go as far as to say that it’s a much needed sideshow to the atrocities and tragedies that tend to make up popular news in the world arena. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that magic moments still exist, and there is something timeless about an event like the royal wedding. But some people are just downright weird. For example…
Some guy had the royal couple, William and Kate, tattooed on their teeth. England’s Barmy Baz Franks, who must be either a virgin or very lonely, committed this act of self-decoration in an attempt to win a contest put on by news website The Windsor Knot. He won, which I guess means it was all worth it. But this is clearly where an obsession with royalty gets damaging. I mean socially damaging. That tattoo will be cool for about a week after everyone sees the picture. He might get a couple free beers at the bar. He may even get laid because of it. But only a social leper would garner continual amusement from it. And after awhile women will be repulsed by his inky teeth, and he will die alone and unloved, wishing he were one of the two beautiful people in his mouth. I wonder if it hurt.
This is about on the same level as the William and Kate Paper Dolls book that recently came out, depicting the royal couple in their undies. This was created by illustrator Tom Tierney, who also offers a free download of the couple’s wedding attire. I’m not saying it won’t sell, but the question must be asked: who is this for? Of course it’s for children on the surface, but the possibility of using such a book as a masturbatory aid is certainly there. I mean, Kate’s looking curvy in that illustration.
People who are the most obsessed with the royal family, I suspect, are merely using the royal family as an outlet. Their obsessive personality would come out in one way or another. Who knows, maybe the royal family’s continuing elegance and popularity is keeping some of us from being alcoholics, or murderers, or stalkers (though some might say the difference between royal maniac and stalker is ever so thin). My positive outlook on the royal obsession is therefore justified. And deep down, I must have an obsession of my own. I mean, I took the time to write this article. And it took hours to conceive, not to mention the hours I spent painstakingly fine-tuning style and grammar. Yes, it was indeed a labour of love. But you know as a man, I’ve always been jealous of the tiara.
Reader Comments (1)
I concur, the royal family and the newly weds in particular are keeping our appetites in check, while panel beating our social life, or lack of it.