Justin Bieber's Mom is Single and Available, Folks

Because I like staring at a good traffic accident as much as the next person, and because the continued and boundless horror and depravity that is American culture in the "news" is the biggest traffic accident I've ever seen, I couldn't help but click on the CNN headline "Justin Bieber (and his mom) have big night at the American Music Awards". 

Um... 

Right. Well, moving on, one thing lead to another and then the next thing I know, I'm clicking on an even better commentary on the state of the Western world, this time from ABC News: "Justin Bieber's Mom, Pattie Mallette: 7 Things to Know"

Really? Justin Bieber's mom, in the style of, like "Gaza-Israel Conflict is going to shit and it affects you: 7 things to know", or "Your privacy is about to be the punchline of a big brother joke: 7 things to know". Indeed, Justin Bieber's Mom: 7 things to know. Awesome. 

The article lists some of the various soap opera-like experiences she's had - from sexual abuse as a child to drug and alcohol abuse by 16 to throwing herself in front of a truck and ending up in a mental ward, and in the same year, at age 17, winding up as a pregnant teen (with the Biebs himself!) - then it caps off the impressive list with "7. She's ready to start dating again." I'm not sure if that was an ironic placement or not.

I can't...look...away.