Royal wedding crashers should expect a frosty reception

Among the groups expected to cause trouble is the infamous “The Queen is a Big Fathead” party, which will no doubt take the opportunity to hurl insults such as ‘get a real job’ and ‘your dad has a big nose’ at the royal couple. In response, police have secured the services of comedian Michael McIntyre, who shall travel slightly ahead of the royal motorcade and provide a ‘witty’ retort to any such abuse.

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Exclusive: Britain's lost passports

According to the UK’s Identity and Passport Service, more than 10,000 passports a year are ‘thrown out with rubbish’, it has been reported. Thanks to leaked documents found in a skip round the back of the IPS offices, we can now exclusively reveal the destination of Britain’s other missing passports.

The following list comes complete with a disclaimer that some people are just plain stupid, quite possibly leaving the United Kingdom an international laughing stock. Certain government decisions, however, already achieved this long ago, so we have no qualms with reprinting the document verbatim.

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